Girlfriend pays boyfriend back after borrowing $12K in rent from him, boyfriend refuses to acknowledge she's repaid him at least double what she originally borrowed: 'I repaid between $28,800 on the low end and $38,400 on the high end.'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 11, 2025 8:00 PM EST

She has repaid him at a higher interest rate than any bank offers.

Borrowing money from your girlfriend, parent, or in-laws will likely hurt your relationship with them. It doesn't matter whether you pay the money back on time or not. The relationship changes from girlfriend-boyfriend to lender-borrower, and that is a totally different dynamic. Every date you go on, and every purchase one of you makes for both of you, will feel different because the fact that one of you owes money to the other person is constantly in the back of your mind.

That being said, if your family member or partner does borrow money from you and they pay you back in full with interest, you really need to let go of the resentment you have, if you have any, about having lent them the money. You might regret lending money to someone because it changes the relationship, but if you agreed to loan them money, you've got nobody to blame but yourself for how you're feeling. Nobody can force you to loan them money, so if you choose to loan instead of gifting money, you have to be prepared not to get that money back.

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  • The boyfriend in this story who lent money to his girlfriend did get his money back. The problem is, he ate it all, and now he's trying to deny that he ever agreed to letting his girlfriend pay him back in groceries. 

  • A man sitting at a table talking to a woman
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the back guy for refusing to keep paying my boyfriend back when I already have fulfilled my obligation?

    During C I got behind on rent by about 12k. My boyfriend covered it. He is not just fine financially. He is well off to a level that feels almost silly compared to how hard I struggle every month.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • When he paid the rent, the early plan was that I would pay him back once I got a lump sum I was expecting. But he also said something very specific that he now pretends never came out of his mouth. He told me, word for
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • word, that if I paid him back in groceries or whatever, it counted. That was the arrangement. There was never a conversation about cash only. He never corrected anything. He watched me follow that agreement.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • So for the next two years, I handled about 80 to 90 percent of our groceries, which averaged around 800 a month. I also paid for something we do together every month that cost anywhere from 400 to 800 depending on the month. So I was putting in roughly 1200 to 1600 a month.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • Woman shops for groceries in a supermarket
    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Here is the part that hurts. Two years of that means I repaid between 28,800 on the low end and 38,400 on the high end. The original loan was 12,000. I paid him back more than double. Possibly more than triple. I was drowning financially while doing it, and he saw it every single month.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • Now he claims none of that counts. He says repayment had to be cash. He denies ever saying groceries counted. He rewrites the entire agreement and acts like I am crazy for believing what he told me for two years. If he had said groceries did not count, I would not have done this. Nobody would.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • He also refuses to celebrate any holidays with me. No birthday. No Christmas. No gifts. This has gone on for years. His excuse is that I still owe him money, while he sits in a completely different financial universe and watches me stress over every bill.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • A person sitting at a desk with a laptop and papers
    via Ahmet Kurt (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Any time I bring up the original agreement, he blows up. Full rage. No conversation. Denies everything.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • So here is my question. AITA for refusing to keep paying for something I clearly already paid back many times over. Because from where I am sitting, this feels like a debt that does not exist anymore, and he is using it as a way to punish me.
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • Acceptable_Tea3608 She should look for her receipts, or card statements, but I dont think OP is that financially savvy. She should have known when she got close to the amount owed by mental tabulation.
    via u/Acceptable_Tea3608
  • OP PreviousSprinkles 143 I've kept track of all of it
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • AreYouAPizzaGuy I thought you were talking about her ability to do math. It's just as bad as her ability to pick a dude.
    via u/AreYouAPizzaGuy
  • OP PreviousSprinkles 143 Fair
    via u/PreviousSprinkles143
  • Nervous-Tea-7074 NTA back date and invoice him for his share of the groceries and dates. Tell him since there was a misunderstanding, he needs to pay his share, in cash.
    via u/Nervous-Tea-7074
  • Straight-Sea-2100 NTA. This behaviour is very toxic. You should leave, couples that don't align financially can't work
    via u/Straight-Sea-2100
  • Fearless_Bird1302 Who's going to tell her?..... Anyone?... ok, I will! That dude does not really like you. He gets enjoyment out of humiliating you. Why are you still dating this dude?!
    via u/Fearless_Bird1302
  • ShishKaibab No man that loves you would ever watch you struggle and be okay with it.
    via u/ShishKaibab
  • spsonoma You're the AH to yourself for staying with this guy.
    via u/spsonoma
  • sentmznts NTAH OP you're on a toxic relationship with a gaslighter. Even though is something more simple like denying something he previously said and punishing you by refusing to celebrate holidays with you, still is pretty clear that you were used and betrayed. He saw you paying everything and putting yourself in a position where you could/would be struggling financially AND NEVER ASKED WHY/TOLD YOU DO STOP. That's not something a caring person would do. If he's not interested in accepting the
    via u/sentmznts
  • Neat Leadership_8391 Just a little correction. Since half the groceries were for you, the amount that you say that you repaid should be cut in half. However, it is still more than the $12,000.00.
    via u/Neat_Leadership_8391
  • Forward-Two3846 Girl, I think it's time to get a new roommate. The one you are currently housing with is defective. Why would you want to stay with somebody who treats you like this? Like, seriously, do you not like yourself? Do you have low self esteem? Has he convinced you that he's Jesus and you need to stay in this financially, abusive relationship so you can get into heaven one day? Like what is your logic behind staying with a man who nickels and dimes you into more debt than you created?
    via u/Forward-Two3846

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boyfriend toxic relationships birthday money problems girlfriend debt rent borrow payment grocery shopping
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